And yes, the parties are coming more often. But, as two friends have told me recently, the parties are okay as long as I get back up. Honestly, it's not in my nature to stay there too long anyway, plus my support system won't allow me to. Depression is a common symptom post stroke, so I am not too bothered by it. And it’s a constant reminder that I am human.
After a good cry, I took my walk and finally showered and literally washed the stank off and put on my tie dye pjs (it was 5:00 after all) and reset my mind AGAIN. As I told a friend, now is my time to plan and start reenvisioning my comeback too (which I need a # for, IYKYK). One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve had to confront is the idea of a “new me.” The stroke didn’t give me a shiny, new identity to embrace; rather, it stripped away parts of me I thought were essential. It exposed the raw, vulnerable parts of myself that I’d been ignoring or masking for years. At first, I tried to push through with the same mindset I always had (but didn’t know I had)—tough, resilient, and determined. I thought if I could just keep going as I had before, everything would fall back into place. But what I realized is that healing isn’t linear and embracing the new normal means acknowledging that the past me is still part of who I am, but so is the version of me that’s still evolving. It can be disheartening AF but also so exciting. As someone told me today, I am HERE for a reason. And God knows, I am working hard to believe that.
In the meantime, tomorrow I have an in-home massage scheduled, a call with my OT, and a therapy appointment. I am determined to get my stress under control once and for all. It’s taken over my entire body and enough is enough. OH! And I am also taking ideas for my next tattoo … I was thinking something like … nevertheless she persisted OR something about resilience or never giving up. If you have an idea, let me know. And if I use your idea, you will win a prize from moi.
Last, if you are struggling tonight, get yourself a shower and wash that stank off and drink a bottle of water too. Then, turn in for an early night as God-willing we will be able to do “this” all over again tomorrow. Peace Out.
